Mike Williams Club – The Blog – Page 49 – Weirder words were never written!

My Love Affair with…

…tattoos.

Well, not the permanent kind of tattoos. The kind of tattoos that can last for a couple of weeks and then go away.

My body is covered in them.

Why?

I have no fucking idea. I saw them one day on Amazon and then I bought them and now I am wearing them.

They look cool until they start peeling off.

That is really all I have. It was a stupid observation that I just made and decided to write about it.

Wow. I am a fucking weirdo. Indeed.

Oh, and yes. I love pussy too. Especially shaved pussy which you can clearly see in the picture that goes with the article. Yep. I chose it on purpose. Yum.

January 29, 2021 by Mike Williams Sh*t Mike Says

HDWGH – Story 17 – Minivan Excitement

HDWGH – Story 17

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Amy Jo Foster is hanging upside down in the driver’s side of her minivan. The minivan is upside down slowly coming to a stop as it spins on the frozen ground. It is winter. Amy’s minivan is sitting in someone’s hedges just slightly off the roadway. As the responding police officer walks up to her side of the minivan to see if she is ok, the door is ajar and a little silver vibrating toy falls from the minivan and into the snow and continues to vibrate. Amy is crying.

Before: Amy Jo Foster couldn’t explain what it was about Vince Lobos that made her feel the way she did. Every time she laid eyes on him her body started to tingle in the places where you wanted your body to tingle. The problem was that he barely noticed her. This morning after watching a video about practicing your personal assertion techniques she felt brave enough to ask Vince out on a date. They worked in the same office but in different departments so dating was allowed by HR.

She dressed up a little more than usual this morning. She wanted everything to be perfect. She jumped into her minivan and headed for work. On the way, she started fantasizing about being with Vince. It was at this point when she decided to utilize external stimulation and reached into her purse for her little “friend” as she called it.

It was at the height of the biggest orgasm she ever had that she realized she had ran through a stop sign just in time to see a Toyota pickup truck hit her in the rear quarter just enough to tip the minivan over onto it’s roof sending it sliding into the nearby hedges of the house on the corner. Her legs were shaking and disbelief rolled through her body. She just hung there inside down for about 10 minutes. Then, the police arrived…

January 28, 2021 by Mike Williams How Did We Get Here?

Distractions

Distractions are the mother of everything wrong in the world. I just took a quick course on LinkedIn Learning about this very topic.

At my age, I’ve seen a lot of things and I’ve read countless self help books. The material in the course wasn’t necessarily new but I like that it sparked some ideas and reignited thinking and patterns associated to why we get so damn distracted.

Email is always the 900 pound gorilla in the room. It is very difficult to get away from. Many people have different ideas and ways of dealing with it. Checking it at certain times during the day is a good way.

The course instructor used two flags on email. The red flag was for what needed to be done today. The yellow flags were things that could wait to be answered. Those he would set a specific time of the week for. I don’t think that would work for us but maybe we could spend the last hour of the day on the yellow flag items?

Turning your phone off or turning off notifications or even turning on your phone “driving” mode can help mitigate distractions.

I thought the course was interesting. Liked the instructor and always like listening to Arianna Huffington’s accent. I am shallow in that regard. I admit it.

January 27, 2021 by Mike Williams Life Lessons

XKCD Funny

Screen Shot 2021 01 26 at 4 35 17 AM

January 26, 2021 by Mike Williams XKCD

Irrational Behavior in Action

There are many forms of irrational behavior but nothing more interesting than that of the female variety.

Scenario #1: The woman has a dog. It is a dog that hates people and bites everyone and everything. The dog is so bad that it can’t be taken out in public if there are people around. The dog is so disruptive that the family has to make plans base around this disruptive dog’s behavior.

A rational view of this situation would dictate that the woman get rid of the dog. That can be in any appropriate manner.

The irrational side of the woman will not get rid of the dog because she feels the dog needs love and she loves the dog. So, the whole family will continue to suffer until the dog dies or divorce happens.

Scenario #2: A certain religion who shall remain nameless has been discredited. The woman’s irrational behavior will still believe in this religion even though it has been proven to be a lie and complete fabrication.

January 25, 2021 by Mike Williams Opinion

Realism Versus Happyism

This particular jewel of a post is about why my website seems to be so damn negative all of the time. It’s never about anything happy. All of the stuff I write seems to be from the perspective of some old guy who hates everyone.

I prefer not to live in a bubble. The world is not a happy place. It is a dark and sad place. When you look at the terrible things that human beings do to each other each and every day it sickens you. You wonder to yourself how we’ll ever evolve to beings better than where we are now.

I don’t believe we’ll ever see an evolved society like you might see in a science fiction movie or television show. Human beings are way too fucked up for that. And disagreeable, did I mention disagreeable? I think you only need to look as far as our current political system in my country to see how far we have to go as a species. Everything in Washington is a fight, a war, a stand, or some other damn thing that is more about the politicians themselves than the people they are supposed to serve.

We have a representative government which means I don’t give a fuck what the guy I elected thinks. He or she is supposed to vote exactly the way I tell them to. That is how it is supposed to work.

I often post that I wish a big asteroid would smack into our planet and knock humans off of it. We have a habit of dragging everything down with us and I think Earth should be allowed to continue.

We’ll never evolve as a species if we can’t get past our differences and start treating each other better.

I guess that means we’ll never evolve. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go back to flinging poo.

January 24, 2021 by Mike Williams Life Lessons

Death

Wow. I did not realize that I already had a category about death.

The reason that we are all afraid of death is because that we’re afraid of the unknown.

I would argue that death isn’t unknown. I’m sure we’ve all experienced it in some form or another over our lives.

Have you ever blacked out?

Have you ever fallen into a nice deep sleep where your head hits the pillow and the next thing you remember is waking up after that? No dream.

That period of time between your head hitting the pillow and waking up is exactly what death is like.

You obviously won’t even know you are dead. You will know when you are going to sleep but will not realize when you have achieved it. The only thing you’ll know is that you woke up. If you never wake up, then that feeling of knowing you are going to fall asleep will literally be the last thing you remember.

We’re probably more afraid of how we’ll die. I believe that is something that is mostly unknown unless you are suffering from a terminal illness or you plan to end your own life.

Ok. Not sure why I wrote about such a morbid topic.

I hope everyone has a super sparkly day. Whatever the hell that means.

January 23, 2021 by Mike Williams Death

Cryptocurrency

Here is a good analogy for anyone who has been around computers for any real length of time. I’m talking at least 20 years.

My quote of the day.

Anyone who has ever used an encryption program to encrypt personal files and then forgot the password and forever lost the data can understand why cryptocurrency is a bad thing.

Relying on a digital file to hold something of real world value is fool hardy. Holding a coin in your hand is always better than holding a flash drive that could easily get corrupted, accidentally wiped, or stolen. You could make the argument that the thief can’t access the money either but you could always forget your password and then you’d be in the same boat. This has happened before to the tune of millions of dollars. Well, digital made-up dollars at any rate.

The undoing of society will come from a combination of human arrogance and an unnatural reliance on digital creations of our own making that we neither understand nor fully control.

January 22, 2021 by Mike Williams Digital Money

HDWGH – Story 16 – Substandard Gravy

HDWGH – Story 16

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Pete Giovanni is face down in his salad plate in front of him. At this point, we’re not sure if Pete is dead or just napping.

Before: Sarah Giovanni spend most of the afternoon preparing one of the family’s favorite meals. One of the last parts of this culinary masterpiece was the beloved gravy. However, when Sarah went to grab a jar she realized she didn’t have any more.

Without another thought she grabbed her face mask, grabbed her coat, and grabbed her car keys and hurried down to the local store. Much to her horror, they were out of the exact brand of gravy that her family enjoyed. Sarah gave it some thought and decided that rather than ruin the entire meal she’d make a substitution. The day was officially saved.

Later that evening, the family sat around the dinner table. After the tradition of saying “Grace” Pete looked at the delight in front of him. He picked up his fork, picked up a rather large portion, and gingerly placed it in his mouth. It didn’t take long for his look of pure joy to turn into absolute horror.

“What is this?” He yelled at Sarah.

“I had to substitute the gravy sweetheart, we ran out and the store didn’t have the brand we like.”

“I can’t eat this. This is disgusting!” Pete exclaimed.

With a tear forming in her eye, Sarah told Pete she was sorry and picked up his plate and took it into the kitchen.

The children heard Sarah walking back from the kitchen. Then, the children heard the sound like the chime of a deep church bell and then Pete doing a face plant into the salad plate in front of him.

Sarah was standing behind him with one her favorite frying pans.

I guess you could say that Sarah didn’t appreciate the feedback.

The children promptly ate their meal smiling as they did so.

January 21, 2021 by Mike Williams How Did We Get Here?

Aliens: Come and Get It!

This is my #1 reason why I think aliens will have an easy time of conquering our planet should the need arise.

A vast majority of the human race whole heartedly believes (sights unseen) in completely made up and imaginary things. That makes them gullible as a species and deserving of eradication. Humans are simply too stupid to exist in the grander universe at large.

The #2 reason is that the human monkeys kill each other. It is difficult to say which should be #1 and which should be #2. They are both just as bad.

People say that we should focus on the good things about humanity. To me, that is like asking the same thing when talking about a serial killer. For example “sure, he killed 15 people but he donated to charities.”

As I was searching for a picture for this post, I found this…