How Did We Get Here?

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Thelma Hopkins screamed at the top of her lungs as she let go of the leash. All that she could see of her beloved poodle Cuddles was his tail as it was sticking out of the alligator’s mouth.

**Before**: “What a beautiful morning!” Thelma Hopkins declared to her poodle and companion of 5 years. She cinched the leash to his collar and opened the front door of her townhouse. This morning she planned on taking her dog through one of the back alleys she had yet to explore. This small town had a few of them. Thelma had just moved here from New York City and the country life in a small Amish rich community felt more to her liking. The sound of horses walking on the Main Street made her feel giddy inside. This place was heaven.

Although there were plenty of signs telling her to do otherwise, Thelma approached the closed off alley and opened the gate. She really didn’t understand why this little side street would have a gate but it was no matter.

As Cuddles led the way down the small alley, a very deep groan could be heard and before Thelma has any time to react, an extremely large alligator jumped from the shadows and swallowed Cuddles almost whole. One of the signs that Thelma ignored hung at a weird angle in the entrance of the alley.

Beware of Pet Alligator. Enter at your Own Risk.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Gerald Harvey couldn’t speak. So many things were going through his mind at this very moment. He was dying. He never thought that his day would go this way. Gerald dropped to his knees as the life force drained from his body. Blood was pouring through his fingers as he desperately tried to staunch the bleeding. It was no use. His wife Leslie just stood in front of him while she watched him die. Her face was expressionless. In his final thoughts, Gerald knew he took things too far. He could have sworn that she had a smile on her face as the blackness took him.

**Before**: The morning started like most other mornings for Gerald and Leslie Harvey. Gerald would wake up and head downstairs to start breakfast and make the morning coffee and Leslie would head into the bathroom to cover up the last night’s transgressions. Gerald left his mark on her almost every night. The marks were getting harder to cover up. Her co-workers at the gym would soon begin to figure out that these marks, these scars weren’t created from some stupid training accident. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what was going on, even to the casual observer. Her co-workers weren’t morons.

Leslie never knew what outfit to wear. Gerald wasn’t very consistent with what he liked and what he didn’t. She came downstairs. He screamed about being able to see her hard nipple and the fighting began. She couldn’t even have breakfast before all of his bullshit started.

His breath on her face as he screamed was turning her stomach upside down. Whether subconsciously or just plain blink luck, Leslie’s left hand was resting on a knife that had been sitting on the kitchen island where Gerald usually prepared their meals. She didn’t ponder on it. She didn’t make a detailed plan inside of her head. She just acted.

In the middle of a tirade that accused Leslie or showing her body to the entire world, Leslie plunged the knife into the side of Gerald’s neck. She could tell by the eruption of blood that she had hit the right place. She quickly pulled the knife out in case it helped the bastard in any way. She knew that sometimes you should leave a knife in until you can get the victim to a hospital. She had no intention of doing that.

She slowly backed away from Gerald as his neck shot blood all over the kitchen. It would take her a while to clean but it would be worth it. He was in shock and was remarkably quiet. Now all she had to do was figure out how to make it seem as though he left her. They would never find a body. She’d make sure of that.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Tanner Edwards stood in the school yard with a look of abject horror on his face. He didn’t pee his pants but at this point, it was an option he was considering.

**Before**: Johnny Henry was having the time of his life. He was listening to his classmate discuss the money he had just gotten for leaving a tooth under his pillow. One thing Johnny Henry loves more than chocolate ice cream on Sunday mornings is other people’s misery. Boy, was he going to have a blast with this one.

“Hey Tanner. Yeah, the money doesn’t come from a fairy. Your parents gave it to you. While we’re on the subject, Santa Claus…nope. Your parents. Easter Bunny…nope. Your parents. Sorry to have to break it to you.”

Tanner stood there with his mouth open. This was not happening.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: It had been three long months but Jackie Turner had finally won. The hoarder style family home she grew up in was finally empty. Now, her children could finally visit Grandmas house.

**Before**: Jackie Turner’s mother was a hoarder. She had been a hoarder all of Jackie’s life. When Jackie grew up and moved away, she was thankful that her lifestyle choices didn’t mirror her mother’s. Jackie kept a clean home.
As the years went on, Jackie was constantly forced to make up excuses as to why the kids couldn’t go to grandmas’ house. She didn’t want her children to see what hoarding is. Her old family home was so packed with various items that you couldn’t move anywhere in the house without touching something. Literal tunnels of walkways led you through the house. It was almost like a maze.
While sitting at a local bar, Jackie overheard a conversation between two other women. They were discussing funny things they wished they could do to other people. Neither one would actually do anything but it was when they got to their idea of how to clean up a hoarders house that Jackie’s ears perked up.

Crack cocaine.

The idea was ridiculously simple but yet designed for results. Introduce the hoarder to crack and through natural progression, they’ll soon be selling off their household goods to pay for the crack habit. It was really brilliant when you thought about it.

So, a plan was born.

The ideas for my HDWGH series come from all kinds of places.

The next story is going to feature an idea that a co-worker had for cleaning up the home of someone who is considered a *hoarder*.

The idea is so outlandish that…after laughing, I thought was one of the funniest things I had heard in a long time. What makes this so funny is that it could actually work.

I look forward to writing and posting this one tomorrow.

It is the summer time after all and I am trying to get as much sun as is humanly possible before the fall gets here and robs me of the opportunity.

I am hoping to be able to write some stories over the weekend but I am also programming so I have a lot of projects going on.

As soon as the programming tasks are completed, I’ll get back to writing.

Promise.

I am thinking about taking a break from HDWGH for this week because of the programming I am doing.

If I come up with something before the end of the day, I’ll post it. If not, there will be something next week.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Brent Tressler couldn’t believe his eyes. One moment his wife of 30 years was standing on the roof looking over the city and smiling back at him while he mixed their cocktails and in the next, his wife went over the side of the 15 story building. By the time he made it over to the edge and looked down, her body was surrounded by onlookers.

**Before**: Amy Tressler felt like she was being choked to death every single day she had to spend with her husband Brent. He didn’t really know how she felt. Brent wasn’t the kind of man you could talk to. If you had “feelings” about anything it was best to keep them to yourself. She needed out of the nightmare of a marriage. Enter, Doris Hopper.

Doris was a friend of at least 15 years and one of the best stunt woman in the entire movie industry. After relating her anguish to Doris, Amy felt a sense of hope as Doris laid out an entirely plausible plan that could help remove Amy from the marriage she felt so stuck in.

As Amy looked at her husband on the roof top of their penthouse, the plan was already in motion. The window cleaner was a few feet below. Amy activated a small speaker unit and as she landed on the window washer platform, she hurled the speaker over the side so that her scream could be heard on the way down. A small net was deployed by Doris’ stunt company to catch the device and abruptly turn it off. To anyone listening, it would sound like someone screaming as they fell to their doom.

On the street below, Doris was made up to look like Amy and was lying still while the rest of her crew acted like innocent bystanders. To anyone looking down from the penthouse suite, it would look like Amy fell to her death to the street below.

Amy was helped inside the building by Doris’ son John who happened to be conveniently operating the window washing assembly at the time. It took 5 seconds to recover Amy and retract the unit into the building before Brent looked over the side. Something Amy and John rehearsed for 3 weeks.

A few fake police finished the ruse and Amy Tressler was now a ghost.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Yvette Jennings felt a small sense of pride as most of the females on the south side beach watched her boyfriend emerging from the crystal clear ocean waves.

**Before**: Todd Baltimore was having some issues. This was one of the few times that his girlfriend Yvette was ready to go out somewhere before he was. He was standing nude in his walk in closet agonizing over which bathing suit to wear. His eyes kept settling on an Ivory colored number but he couldn’t remember ever wearing it. In fact, the “Joe Boxer” name on them led him to believe that they were just underwear that had been misplaced in his closet. Yvette wondered past him and picked them up. “Just wear these,” she said. He slipped them on and they proceeded to the south side beach for a day of fun in the sun. Todd may not have remembered why or even “if” he ever wore the swimming trunks before but Yvette sure did. Once those trunks got wet, they hid nothing. Yvette was rather proud of what Todd had so today, when the cold hearted bitches at the south side beach laid eyes on her boyfriend they wouldn’t be wondering why they are together. After wetting themselves while watching the tremendously large bulge in Todd’s trunks, they would know.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The co-owner of the law firm Carlton Jacobs couldn’t believe his eyes. His friend and founding partner Jim Nettles was laying in a bloody mess at the bottom of the elevator shaft. His lifeless eyes staring into nothing with his head bent at an unnatural angle. Jim obviously didn’t survive the fall. How could this have happened? He wondered to himself. He took every precaution.

**Before**: Jim Nettles was finished with this day before it had even began. His phone was dinging every few minutes to indicate a new message and he wondered to himself how everyone could be so needy? He had a secretary to filter his calls throughout the work day but in the early morning hours, he was on his own.

The day didn’t get much better from there. It was about 10 am when Jim decided to silence his notifications all together. It was getting out of hand. He had been working on a case that the law firm would try in the coming weeks but Jim didn’t like to wait until the last minute to get his notes together. He would spend the next few days rehearsing for the jury.

It was about 10:30 am when Jim decided to head down to his partner’s office on the 5th floor to confirm his notes and to also get Carlton’s opinion on the “tone” of his speech. He pushed the elevator button like he had done a thousand times before. He turned his notifications back on. He watched the notifications pop up one by one as the elevator doors opened. His eyes were glued to the screen as he stepped onto…nothing. The elevator car was missing as Jim flailed about trying to find purchase on anything. Jim was unsuccessful and fell ten stories to his untimely death.

The cellphone was cushioned from the fall by his body and went he hit, the phone jumped up a couple feet falling back onto Jim’s chest display side up with a single notification showing.

Jim – This is Carlton. I wish you would answer your phone. Don’t use the elevator. It is out of order. Take the stairs. I have a team coming in to repair it within the hour.