How Did We Get Here?

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Bobby Jones pressed on the key fob that some hysterical lady just gave to him while running from a man who was in the process of yelling at her. Bobby had never quite heard all of the expletives used but he thought the man was quite creative with their use. The lights flashed on what looked like a brand new Jaguar. It seems Bobby’s luck had just changed for the better.

**Before**: It was on the 5th level of the Glendale parking garage that Maggie Reynolds decided that Herb Reynolds could go “fuck himself.” They had been married for 10 years and the asshole always seemed to care about his possessions more than he cared about her. She eyed a man standing next to a broken down Subaru and started walking towards him. Her husband began shouting some of the worst obscenities she had heard in years. She was far enough ahead that the quick transfer of the key fob of their car to the stranger and a brief “It’s yours” was all that was needed to complete this life lesson for Herb.

She continued walking towards the elevator with her husband trailing behind when they heard the unmistakable beeps of the car’s key fob communication. The look on her husband’s face was all that she really needed to see that day. It was wonderful. Fuck that prick.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Today would be the day that Kevin Duncan would earn a new nickname. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be earned for something he actually had done. He would earn the nickname for something the girls in the lunchroom thought he did. Middle school kids didn’t care about the facts of the incident before them. They saw a young man with a big brown stain where you might expect such a stain if one were to crap their pants. Kevin backed into a square support pole in the lunchroom and when he stood upright, the girls sitting next to the pole began to scream when they saw a brown stain on the pole and on the ass of one Kevin Duncan.

**Before**: Kevin Duncan wasn’t allowed to touch the remaining Hershey Bars that were in the fridge. He never let that stop him. He’d blame the loss on his drunk step father and his mother would probably shake her head and yell at him for something he didn’t even do. Kevin was in a pretty good spot. With both bars in his right hand, he began to walk out off the house when his mother stopped him the in the hallway. With only seconds to spare, he slipped the chocolate bars into his back pockets.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Mother and daughter arrived at the upstairs bathroom laundry shoot at exactly the same moment both carrying a used towel. Heather Collins looked at her daughter Felicia Collins and smiled without saying a word. Felicia smiled back as they both opened the shoot and tossed the towels inside.

**Before**: It was a night that many called a “Strawberry Moon.” Felicia Collins thought it was extremely romantic and invited her boyfriend Nick over to celebrate by having sex near her bedroom window. The window was large and Felicia imagined the two of them rolling around in the sheets under the beautiful light.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Collins residence. Heather Collins had prepared everything required for a romantic evening with her husband Joe. Their bedroom was decked out in candles, rose petals, and of course, incense burning on a nightstand by the bed. It had Harlequin Romance written all over it. After all, the moon was exceptionally gorgeous tonight.

Nick rolled off Felicia as their love making had come to an end. Felicia was so close to having an orgasm but right before she could release it, Nick finished leaving her unfulfilled. She went through the usual act of pretending like it was fantastic sex. It wasn’t. She wasn’t sure how much longer she’d stay in the relationship. All she wanted was a boyfriend that cared about her needs. Nick definitely wasn’t that guy. She kissed him as she watched him leave her room and gently closed the door as he went.

Heather didn’t claw Joe’s back because he was giving her incredible sex. She was clawing his back out of sheer frustration. She was so close to having an orgasm and that prick had finished before her. What did she expect? He had been doing this for their entire marriage. She thought that the moonlight may change things. It didn’t. Joe put his clothes on and left their bedroom. No words spoken. Joe thought is was great sex and had the claw marks on his back to prove it. Heather thought it was yet another disappointing night.

Toby Granger was walking down Grant Street when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. The Collins house. He had fantasies about Felicia Collins but she was too classy for Toby and he knew it. What he saw made him do a double take. Two big windows on the second floor side by side had the silhouettes of two nude woman. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that they were playing with themselves rather vigorously. Toby quickly took out his phone and began recording making sure to set the resolution to 4k.

Toby couldn’t really tell from the street but almost at the exact same moment the two woman released their orgasms. He could swear he saw squirting if that was even a thing. As if choreographed, the two women donned robes, gathered up their towels, and left the rooms.

On the ground level, Toby saw two men standing outside the Collins household talking to each other and sharing a beer. It was dark where he was standing even in the full moonlight so he suspected they didn’t see him. He stopped recording and hurried down the street. He was hoping that this brand new phone and the high definition camera would live up to all of the hype. His TikTok popularity was about to take a turn for the better.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The police are standing over the corpse of Tommy “Chiclet” Garcia in the middle of Rotary Park. His body looks like it has been pierced by thousands of tiny projectiles.

**Before**: Tommy “Chiclet” Garcia was in an extremely good mood this morning. His boss called and told him that he was doing such a great job that he could take the day off. His wife had made reservations for a nice romantic dinner at his favorite restaurant. If those two things weren’t awesome enough, he heard a rumor earlier from his best friend Kyle that the XFL may be returning next year. From Tommy’s point of view, his life couldn’t get any better than this.

It was about this time that Tommy decided to go over to Rotary Park and feed the birds. In previous visits, Tommy had put the feed into a container and basically just reached in and threw the contents around. Today, he was feeling especially creative so he decided to put as much bird feed into his cargo pockets as they could hold.

The initial feedings went pretty well until the birds realized that Tommy had feed in his pockets.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The elevator doors opened as five angry employees suddenly changed their expressions as Lori Young quickly tried to replace her wedding ring. She didn’t have time to button up her blouse so the employees got a full view of her natural C-cups. John Jones was in the act of wiping off his still exposed cock as a small white pool was forming under Lori.

**Before**: This is one of those rare occasions in this series where the **now** completely explains the **before**. I mean, honestly. Two employees fucked in an elevator. No backstory needed.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Harrison Guthrie was just happy to be alive. Sure, he was soaking wet, standing in the mall fountain, and soon to be surrounded by mall cops. It could have gone much worse.

**Before**: Silvia Guthrie loved to shop. What she liked even more than shopping was bringing her husband along simply because she knew he hated it. They had been at the mall for two hours now and Harrison’s whining had started reaching a fevered pitch.

She began walking into the Gap store as Harrison signaled to his wife that he wished to remain outside the store so he could conduct some people watching. It was desperately needed at this point. His watches built in step counter had long reached his daily goal of 20,000 steps and threatened to grant him an all-time award for today. Shopping wasn’t natural to him and he simply hated it.

That is about the time he began fidgeting with his wedding ring. Of course, it had nothing to do with the blonde bombshell that just walked by him. Did she wink at him? As he tried to hide the wedding ring by slipping it off his finger and into his jacket pocket, two things occurred at about the same time.

The ring came off his finger and he was pushed and sent over the railing to land gracelessly in the center of the mall fountain by a not so happy Mrs. Guthrie who quite possibly saw the entire exchange with the blonde bombshell who, incidentally had not noticed what had just happened behind her.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Dexter Lewis slid the Hershey Bar, lighter, and cigarettes from the plastic bag as Harris began driving away from the convenience store. Harris looked over and asked, “Where’d you get the cigarettes, bro?”

Before: Dexter stood in line behind his friend Harris at the checkout line at the neighborhood convenience store. Dexter was flat broke but his friend Harris had plenty of money. Dexter had repeatedly asked for a small loan so he could buy some essentials but Harris always turned him down. They were friends but Harris had a controlling nature. He didn’t like that Dexter smoked so he had never liked the idea of lending him money just so he could buy some.

When they got to the end of the line, Dexter pulled a few items from the checkout margins including some cigarettes, a lighter, and a few snacks and lumped them in with what Harris had picked up. The trick was to keep Harris occupied long enough so that he wouldn’t see what the lady was putting in the bag. When they got to the car, Dexter would dig out his prizes and Harris would be none the wiser. He had no clue about what the cost of what he bought should be.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: The secret of why office manager Elizabeth Beckett was always smiling and happy was finally out of the bag. Elizabeth was bending over to get some files out of the lower filing cabinet drawer when her dress rode up revealing a decorative butt plug handle and the pink wiggling end of a vibrator inserted into her bare shaved pussy. The office full of women huddled around Marcy Walker’s desk felt that they finally knew why someone with such a crappy husband was always happy.

Before: Elizabeth rolled off of her husband after faking what seemed like her thousandth orgasm. No matter how much she hinted and outright asked Bill to try new things he simply wouldn’t do it. He loved laying down and letting Elizabeth do all of the work. This was the position they used most of the time. There were other sexual positions. Bill just didn’t like any of them. “Too much like work,” he’d say.

It wasn’t very common to have sex before work. She got lucky this morning and caught Bill in a particular horny mood. Elizabeth wanted more out of Bill. She offered but Bill wasn’t willing to take the day off and spend it in bed with her. So, she did the only thing a horny young woman could do. She had to please herself. After some lube, she inserted her favorite anal plug and the dildo she called “wicked Mary” and finished getting dressed. Today, that meant a simple sundress with matching scandals. She couldn’t be bothered with underwear. Besides, no one is going to notice anyway.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: It was at the bottom of the 5th inning when Cletus Johnson looked up at the big display in the ballpark. In bright blue letters it read, “For a good time, call Cletus “Dingleberry” Johnson. He always gives you a little extra.” In traditional ballpark fashion, the ad was quickly replaced with a live shot of Cletus and a look on his face that would eventually become a meme.

Before: Angela Johnson had been married to Cletus for nearly five years. He was a good man. He was kind. He loved her deeply and as far as she knew, he was absolutely faithful. What she was having a problem with was her husband’s dingleberries. It was one of those things that you see and then can never get out of your mind. She first saw them a couple of weeks ago and they haven’t had sex since.

She tried to tell him about it. Tried. It was extremely difficult to come up with a way to broach the subject. “Hey, honey. I’d like to talk to you about your dingleberry problem.” Angela and Cletus didn’t have that kind of relationship. Certain things were never discussed.

It was Angela’s friend Kerry that had come up with a novel idea. Cletus loved to go to baseball games. It was something that she and Cletus did not do together. She hated sports.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Chad Hess stood on the pier with a look of disgust and heart break as Nicole Harris told him that she would not marry him and that his present condition was obviously a “sign.”

Before: Chad Hess had arranged his marriage proposal with careful precision. Nicole Harris was extremely superstitious and he knew he would have to be very careful. He would need to check and re-check every plan he was making to make sure it met with Nicole’s approval. Nicole had turned down another marriage proposal when her soon to be husband received a letter in the mail informing him of an upcoming tax audit. Nicole took that as a bad “sign” and called off the engagement. Chad was not going to allow that to happen to him.

He took Nicole out to the local pier to the beautiful spot at the very end looking over the glistening blue water. This spot was one of her favorites. Chad knew he couldn’t go wrong. Chad got down on one knee.

When a seagull left an extra special gift on his right cheek. Seeing the warm specimen slide down Chad’s cheek was all she needed to see the situation for what it was.