How Did We Get Here?

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: A small group of people surround a young woman who is laying on the ground outside of a Steak and Shake screaming and crying. She is in a fetal position.

Before: Emily has always been about…Emily. So, she saw the announcement on the news about a new Steak and Shake opening nearby and she just couldn’t resist. Emily wanted to be the first person in line. Emily arrives and immediate moves to the front of the line directly in front of a smaller younger girl. Shortly thereafter she experiences an immense pain as she is yanked by her pony tail and brought quickly to the ground. A knee presses into her neck and the smaller younger girl explains how life for Emily at this very moment is a gift that should be enjoyed elsewhere.

Note: This story is actually based on true events. I took liberty with the victims name but I think it might have been slutty Amy or something like that. Names. Words. Whatever.

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Beautiful woman wearing a very light and revealing sundress is standing next to an apartment door. Beneath her dress on the floor is a small pile of fresh fecal matter. If you look at the pile just right, you can see the heat emanating from it.

Setup: The middle aged woman goes to a nearby Dairy Queen for a banana split knowing that she is completely lactose intolerant. Her husband just left her so she has decided to bury her sorrows in a nice ice cream sundae.

The problem begins about 30 minutes later as the woman is trying to get to her apartment after the pains in her stomach begin. She has just enough time to kick off her flip flops before the warm liquid leaves her ass and deposits on the Welcome mat beneath her bare feet. Her apartment key is in her hand but never makes it to the lock.

A young man sees the beautiful woman and decides to walk over to her and start a conversation. He gets within a few feet of her and smells the shit beneath her dress. He quickly grabs his nose and walks away in the opposite direction. No words spoken. Woman horrified. Reputation earned. Nickname acquired.

– From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: An old man is standing outside naked holding the daily newspaper in his hand. Next door, an old lady screams in horror.

Before: First, a fact. The older you get the less you like wearing clothes. The old man in this story is not wearing clothes. He was wondering around his flat naked when he realized that he forgot to run outside and get the newspaper. So, he simply walks outside to get it. An old lady sees him and claims that he is outside flashing people. While a true statement, the old man is just getting his newspaper. The old lady is just collateral damage.